Something happened a few days back, I need to write about it lest I forget.

I had gone to a cousins wedding and during the baraat procession something nice and heartwarming happenned.

My son who has till date never ever enjoyed loud music or lotsa people because of his learning disabilities was quite taken in by the dance and the drums... It was the first time I saw him enjoy the very loud beats of the drums and though his movements were largely uncoordinated, the sincere honesty of his joy pierced me and made me want to cry out aloud... Not in misery, not in pain, not even in relief of seeing him do somehow something I did not expect but just in a moment of shared happiness that a father feels for his son....

That one moment meant a lot more to me than some of the other joys that have come my way...

Go, take on the world.... 

Unusually disagreeable & grumpy am i these days... reasons i cannot quite fathom
curt, gruff and terse whom i... vainly presume was once personable and handsome

Dilemma

Purturbed perplexity and chagrin at my current norm
i seem, against my plan, stranded afar and alone from

all tediously designed, calculated, determined passage
disconcertingly alone with no counsel, no friend, no sage

do I in surge to d'unknown forward, seek as life does tell
or in learnings of a harried but certain past do I dwell

(written in 2012)

Dissapointment and fear

When did loyalty scurry to hide behind falsehood, cunnng and deceit?
how both of thee fairness and pride, did the modern man forfeit?
When was the last time, what thy felt was the complete fact?
un-maligned it stood out bare, honest and maybe.. without tact...
When was the last time we in arms raged a battle for common cause
with identities that were singular, One-minded objective of ours
Somewhere over the near past changed hues that the sky did take
from common blue that kids drew to dour grey as truthful men fosake..
...their earned honesty,why the mirrored me too seems different today
Am i too losing my spine, my gut, and unfathomably turning out their way

(written in 2012)

there are leaves that float down from the trees

dropped by the tree cause they are old

and called by the ground ...again....

cause they are old

the ground you see....

cares for everything old and rotten and dying

it does not ask for the name... or for credentials

it careth not if it is a yellow leaf.....

or a general with military honours

all it wants is company.....

but it too asks for a price

you cannot be two ....

and you can be but one

with the soil

and the claims that lay upon you need be repaid

in kind.... for the soil excepts no token grant

blood be paid in blood

flesh in flesh

love in love

faith in faith

and it careth not if it gets trampled by the day

cause it knows

that when the night finally descend upon life

it shall be the calling master again....

(written in 2006)

The Walk

Whispering echoes of the wind that gushes by

Tells me to step softly on the leaves, resting upon the ground

And which through their rustle in the death of autumn

Are in the final talk with the whisps of wind

There is wet black earth below the leaves

That faithfully carries the impression of each foot

The mark of each who treaded the land

Faithfully and loyally... Emotions that are extinct otherwise

Drops of rain that travel at a slant ... Albeit slightly

As if trying to delay the inevitable... Fall...

As if trying to avoid the soil... Just as one avoids one'e relations

There are trees that suck up the water... Greedily...

Quenching the thirst that a long, warm and dry summer brings along

There are millions of creepies that suddenly find their trips..

Elongated from just underneath the top layer of soil to above

There are men and women who find that wet hair does not dry off

In the blink of an eye... Or the bat of an eyelid...

There are dogs that appear cheerful... Trees that appear greener...

Roads that appear newer....

Too much for a dour mind going for a walk on a cold, wet autumn evening...

(written in 2005)

Someday the blooms will dance

Someday the blooms will dance

The lonely vase that stands upon your table,

Sometimes blooming with flowers new

Often pained in solitude and rue

So truly shouts out our lives' fable

Beauty appears ... But sporadically

Filling the void the vase portrays

A rose, carnations and a lilly

...often .... But not always

So alone for most time the vase stands

Here at home and in far off lands

With only the table for company

Through nights dark and days sunny

My vase is empty too it seems

The flowers are still to come to me

With loneliness bursting at the seems

Winters' round the corner you see

Spring is still a distant thought

The path to then with dangers fraught

But hope is like a beacon for me

Someday the blooms will dance with glee

(written in 2001)

The girl in the garden

There are some bushes in the garden by the sill

That loyally beneath the window looms

Of the old house that stand by the hill

Of lilacs, roses and gladiolae blooms

The house is kissed by clouds that float by

& waters touching the feet rolling down the slopes

A smoking chimney sprewing warmth very high

Gardens bounded by bars and thick ropes

& there's a small girl who plays the yellow swings

The gardens' a backdrop of painted green.. Anew

With each swing the summer sings

How much beauty in her resembles you.

(written in 2002)

The mad lovers epithet...

The mad lovers epithet...

Whimsical you are my friend cause you know not if your heart bleeds,

When your love nurtures under your eye, and in her bosom... Love for else breeds

And the tree of life that you are a part of... Withers in the cold autumn air

Yet i salute your calm perseverence... As love hasn't anything to show more fair...

When you the bereaved by the fire.... Stand till it burns on yours love's pyre...

And no lotion, no potion, no chant of strength... Can whisper to her what you meant

And you shall be the best man soon... When she turns bride under august moon..

And you wish better t'was when you loved her not... Cause love's like a flame... Burns when its hot

(written in 1999)

Waiting for good news...

Waiting for good news

With forlorn tired and drooping eyes

That struggle to see past the blurring gaze

I’ve waited for autumn to creep by

Early sunsets in smoky haze

As days shorten, i get wistful with strife

Restless, heavy shoulders I feel I’ve had

it seems daylight is dying, choked for life

by the night, pain and darkness sad

I’ve waited for cheer from something

Maybe a few lines, Uplifting news

Or people sharing some tale of happiness

Joy, warmth and lovely views

I wait and wait but little comes this way,

Wait until dusk, wait until lone

Wait until all i can do is shrug my shoulders

And scurry back home.

---

I have decided to commence writing again...

Have not written for years now and somehow today someone made me discover that the me who wrote long back was a different person.

The me 1.0 was nicer, richer and healthier. The me 2.0 is busier, tiresome and tired.

It is unfair for me to be tired before i m retired.

Hence i decieded try to go and see what from the me 1.0 can be picked and brought back into me 2.0. Writing was one thing that came up.

Hence i commence again. Or maybe continue from where i left...